Freak outs!!

So annoying I wrote this big long post and it didn't work!!

Basically yesterday was just having a MAJOY freak out session..like I'm talking I was angry and wanting to burst in to tears at the drop of a hat! I was angry at Peter for coming home late, angry for him sleeping in when I had things I wanted to do...just angry! Angry that my dad wanted to borrow my usb power adapter so he can charge the GPS when he goes away for work... all of these things which aren't big deals I was just so angry..then I just wanted to cry about it! Really it's coz I felt great and was totally stressing that things aren't right!

I calmed down and bit and once I started actually moving for the day found I started to feel pretty much hungover so that made me feel better!! I was just over tired from not getting to bed til 3am and not sleeping well coz Peter was out til really late with mates he hadn't been out with before! If I've found one big change with the hormone business its the anxiety I feel if Peter isn't where he is supposed to be or uncontactable - all for legitimate reasons but I freak out! I try so hard not to become this crazy texting woman and think to myself 'he'll be home soon' etc. and it always works out! It's really horrible! I've never really suffered from anxiety (except I have this odd feeling come over me when my BFF who is epileptic has a seizure even if we are no where near each other..it's weird!) and it's something I'm not enjoying! But speaking to a few other people who have had babies and it seems perfectly normal!!

I also felt like the Grinch who stole Christmas yesterday when talking to Peter. I just want him to start realising that life as we know it will change when this baby comes along and we all have to make sacrifices. It's not just financially but he plays sport all year round! Cricket and footy, which is fine but come footy season next year I may be working part time on a Saturday and will need him to look after baby, or he may need to pick up extra hours and can't play footy. So then he got in a sulk and started saying he'll just give up everything! It was sooo frustrating because it so was not what I was saying - or that it will even happen! I'd never ask him to give up his cricket as that is his number 1 but hes only been back at footy for this year! We all have to make sacrifices and I can't depend on my mum to look after baby EVERY saturday if I have to work or if we are struggling to keep our heads afloat financially! I felt horrible but I guess he just needs to realise these things in his own time!

Was tucked up in bed by 9 last night after 2 late nights in a row I was sooo tired! Felt a bit gross this morning - still just hungover feeling - but had something to eat and feel ok!

One new development though, I was laying on the couch last night and felt the oddest sensation down where baby is! It was like this stuttering type feeling like someone wasjust touching my tummy, I felt it twice and it was bubbles or anything...it was so weird!! Some people have said that's what I'm looking out for and I really really really hope that it was baby!

Scan in like 24 hours and I am soooo anxious and keen and nervous! I just need to see this baby and really believe that I have made it this far! I just feel like it will be full steam ahead after tomorrows scan! Will be starting to clean out the nursery and start making it like a real nursery - though I'll be waiting til we find out what it is to paint..maybe.... and just getting it all ready! It's going to be so amazing...but I still have a nagging feeling that is stressing me out!!!

I hope and pray that everything is as it should and this amazing little life inside of me is right where they belong!!