It's A Baby!

Well as you can see by the title I'm so excited! I just had an appointment with my OB Dr. John and whilst in there we did my height and weight (turns out I haven't put on any weight! WOOP WOOP!) and also another scan for his benefit. Bubs has officially become a little baby! It was the most adorable thing I have ever seen! I can't believe how much since my scan last week it has actually changed from a little blob to a baby with arms and face and everything! It was wriggling around and even looked like it waved and turned towards me! I can't wipe the smile off my face that I have even gotten this far! On his machine it was measuring right on my dates of 10w 5d which means it is most likely at least a day or 2 bigger!

I can not wait for my 12 week scan now! Peter will be so surprised at how much our baby has grown and developed! It was just amazing!! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine actually making it this far. After the miscarriage last year I felt like SUCH a failure. That I would never be able to carry a baby. I decided it would have been life being ironic as in my family I am the one who has dreamt of nothing but a family! But I know I'm not out of the scary part yet but I just feel so good about this!!!

I'm trying to get 'in touch' with my body because I know it's early but I so desperately want to feel baby move! Even just tiny little flutters! As I said, I know it's early and most first timers don't feel it til later but I am sooooo desperate so when I lay in bed at night I try to concentrate really hard and relax and just lay really still! I know baby will let me know one day!!

I also got my forms to book in to the hospital today! I am SOOO excited! I just didn't get this far last time! It's starting to make it actually become real! I'll be sad after my 12week scan because then I get on a 'normal' pregnancy routine which means I won't see bubs again til 18 weeks!!! I'm so used to seeing baby on almost a weekly basis!!

Argh...simply can not wipe the smile off my face today!!!

Thoughts...

I caught up with a really good friend last night for dinner as she has been down in the dumps last night! She got me thinking - she is 25, has been with her partner for 5.5 years, they have a house and an almost 2 year old son who is just soooo I wanna squeeze him adorable and yet she is unhappy. Isn't it funny how we all have different desires!!

I look at the them and think 'gees, aren't they lucky, they seem to have it really worked out'. When obviously the grass isn't always greener!

To me to have all that would make me feel complete... well that's what I believe it to be anyway...will this change? Everything I've done in the last few years has been filling in time until I met the 'right' person and settled down and had a family etc. Well when that happens where do I go from there? I have never been someone who wanted a career as I have always just wanted a family.... but once I have the family will I start wanting more?

I have been lucky enough to meet the right person and he is simply amazing and puts up with me so I can't complain. We are lucky enough to have child number 1 on the way - before my 26th birthday... we are fortunate to have a unit at my parents house which we are able to live at rent free so we can save for our own house...

I think she is in a rut coz she feels stuck...whereas I have had so many amazing experiences in the last 5 years I couldn't be more ready for this... I have lived out of home with friends and partied very very hard, I was single for 3 years with my best friends and we made the most of it... I have travelled to Bali, America, Europe, UK with my bestest friend in the whole wide world...I need to stop doubting that I am more than ready for this!!

I worry that I will be left behind from my friends.... even though I am in front. It's an odd feeling. I've always been one to never want to be left out.... I fear this is what has been happening and what will happen.... I'm sure it will be fine and once the baby comes along these girls could not be more excited..we've been through a lot together... I guess it's time for us to start taking the next steps and become....dun dun daaaaa....GROWN UPS!!!!

Still Snug!!

Well had a scan yesterday at what was 9weeks and 2days but fortunately bub (now so kindly nicknamed by my friends as 'lil regi') is growing strong and gained another 2 days which puts me back to my original dates! YAY!! Do thats a good feeling to know they are all tucked up in there nicely!

Got to hear the heartbeat too which was absolutely amazing!! It was such a calming feeling to see that! We got pics which I will post in here later when I get a chance! It's just so exciting to have even gotten this far. 12 weeks is only 2.5 weeks away..we're so close I can smell it!!

I can't believe how much bub has grown in the last 3 weeks! It's amazing! They're so big now. I didn't get the actual stats but you can see the difference! I can only imagine what they'll look like in 3 weeks again when we go back for another scan!

AS far as symptoms go I'm still exhausted and feeling seedy at times but mainly if I haven't eaten otherwise I feel ok. I feel seedy enough not to worry though which is comforting! haha I have lost weight still which is interesting! Like There's no way you would know I was 9 weeks along coz it just doesn't look any different at all! I can't wait to pop a bit but at the same time I'm happy not to be piling on the weight as I'm very conscious of losing weight after baby!!

I told my 2 other besties on the weekend! I actually think Peter was dying to tell someone and he's pretty close with my girls as well so he said I could tell them! It was refreshing coz now I don't have to lie to them about not drinking etc. and they're so excited a) coz I'm the first one and b) now they have a designated driver for the next 6 months! haha Too funny!! Those girls!!

Well I best be off..it's crazy busy at work!!!

8W 2D

Well we are plodding along - another Monday has rolled around again! I swear it is just as though we live for the weekends! The weekdays seem pointless but then the weekend rolls around and I don't do anything anyway... it seriously feels as if I am just biding time until this baby comes...and then life will feel like I am taking a step forward!


I seem to have come to a standstill in every other aspect of life at the moment. It's weird! I have been this way for a long long time but I don't feel it is right to have so much riding on this little life inside of me - it's got a tough enough job head of it alone let alone the pressure of changing me riding on it!


So yesterday was Mother's Day. Was lovely - Peter snuck out and bought me flowers which was really nice! He hesitate's to spend money sometimes because since it all become 'our' money I like to watch every penny! I don't want to be living with my parents forever and I refuse to rent so I feel we need to be vigilant! But I couldn't fault him for be so thoughtful!! Spent the day shopping for mum's present and bought a few bits and pieces for myself then dinner with the family! I love that I have so much close family around me! If we organise a family dinner we need to book for 20! It's incredible! I love seeing everyone together laughing and the kids running around having a great time together and I can't wait to contribute to that new generation!


Sometimes though I still just can't fathom how anyone makes it past 12 weeks! I find it completely and utterly baffling how anyone actually makes it to full term! I have one more week til my 9 week scan and hopefully that will instill a bit more confidence in me - I'll be 9w and 2d then.  I'm just thankful I have such a wonderful partner who I can be so honest with and who isn't afraid to open up to me either. I find it so important to keep communication open and fortunately that's gotten us through with very few arguments. He is very sensitive though and at first when I wasn't eating his cooking and going to bed without him he took it very personally - fortunately we've both talked and established that at the moment..the rules are very different!!


I guess I've rambled on enough for now... symptoms wise I'm still feeling seedy which is good, have found I get STARVING but can't manage more than 2 bites of food (needless to say I am losing weight!), sleepy still... that's about it! IT's good and I'm not panicking at all about it.


Whatever will be will be!!!

It's Tough Out There!

Well it is a tough thing this whole 'being pregnant thing'! I mean on one hand I am so super excited about it all!! But on the other it's a bloody scary time and I live in fear of something going wrong! They say the chances aren't high once a heartbeat has been detected - well I know too many people around me to have that proved! Then they say once you hit about 8 weeks the chances go down even further - once again recent trials and tribulations from dear friends have shown me this also just isn't the case!

One of my FB TTC/Pg girls sadly lost her bub! Her bub has gone to play with the many other angel babies up there! It really just doesn't seem fair! She was so close to the 'safety mark' - well she thought she was. But sadly bub stopped growing at just over 9 weeks! It's such a heartbreaking experience! I had comfort that my angel stopped before they had really formed - at 9 weeks so much development has gone on..not to mention the attachment...argh! It just truly sucks! I wish I could take that pain away I really do! I wish no one ever had to go through that pain!!

As for me...well I'm really struggling at work. I've noticed as long as I'm lying down I'm ok! Pffft....unfortunately there isn't really anywhere at work to hide and lie down! I don't need to be sleeping..but if I'm upright for too long I start to feel ill! So work is a massive struggle! I'll cope though..just have to keep telling myself only 5.5months to go really..phew! haha Haven't been physically sick again but I swear I could if I wanted to! It wouldn't take much! Almost did this morning when the dog was stinky!

10 days til our 9 week scan! I am excited and scared as per usual! I just hope everything is ok! Will be telling my other 2 BFF's if everything is ok! I would like to tell them now but I'm really close to their families who are close to other people I know and the chain of 'we'll just tell one person' would go on forever! So it's better to just not say anything!!

Feel like I've actually lost weight which is nice! haha I guess I haven't really been eating a lot! I'll be starving and then manage like 2 bites of something and then an icypole will be all I'll end up for dinner! So my meal sizes have decreased dramatically! And since I can really only stomach juice and water my sugar intake is well down! That and the fact that sweet stuff just isn't really on my agenda at the moment! So I'm not having nearly as much sugar etc. which is helping I guess! So currently happy with my shape - massive boobs and flat tummy...won't last long but it's still nice to know I'm not stacking on the kg's early on!!!

Anyway..that's enough rambling from me today!!!

7w 4d

Well I am now 7w and 4d so things are slowly moving along! Though time seems to ahve sped up a little bit so I really shouldn't be complaining..I can't help but think if I can get to 8 weeks I'll be ok...no idea where that thought has come from but it just feels a whole lot more safe - when in reality I know that it's just so not the case!!

Had another appointment with OB Dr. John last night! He is so lovely - without being overly optimistic which is good! We did a scan - though I find the quality of his machine very average! But after a lot of pushing around we found bub all tucked away in the back (having a retroverted uterus makes seeing baby a lot harder in the early days!) And there was baby's little heartbeat flickering away in there! It was such a relief!!

He has ordered me to do no exercise..(which obviously I'm not too shattered about) and to generally just take it as easy as possible! Which generally is easy- with the exception of Saturday coming up as it's a home game for footy so I'll be running around from 7 - 7 which will kill me but fortunately one of the girls I'm working with knows so will understand if I need time out!

Have had the last 2 days off work...not super morning sick but I find I feel much better when I've slept a million hours and I'm resting! I'm trying to get as much rest as possible! So I spend my life moving from the couch to the bedroom and back again! I know he didn't order bed rest but I'm feeling I'm doing everything I can to get through this first 12 weeks! Work knows about this pregnancy and my previous miscarriage so even if they aren't completely understanding they're not showing they're upset by it so I'm just doing what I think is best for me! At the end of the day that is what is most important to me!

Glad I took today off work though! I stayed in bed til 12.30 (way slack I know) but that also involved not eating and so today I have my first morning sickness vomit! I know I shouldn't be super excited about being sick but at least it's a great thing to know the hormones are still doing their thing! Mind you it's hard throwing up with nothing in your stomach for the last 16hours!! Oops! So I made it to 7w 4d and I don't really see it happening too often! I felt absolutely fine before it and after it - just snuck up on me! So as long as it doesn't happen ALL the time I'll be happy - though a few more times will be good! :) Just for reassurance!

Booked my 9 week scan in today too - so 17th May Peter and I get to see baby again! I'm so excited! I love the real scans coz they're so clear and I get to keep a picture! Baby is going to have grown so much by then! So not too long to go til then!! I also have the referral for bloods at 10 weeks (though we aren't getting the downs syndrome testing done) and my 12 weeks scan also but I'm hesitant to book that in until after the 9 week scan as I'm afraid to jinx it!!

Dear Bubbles,

Today you are 5 weeks and 4 days old - you are growing so quickly it amazes me! I got to see you again last night - you were hiding but I could still find you! And I saw your little heart flickering away! It's always such an amzing sight! Not long to go now til we'll be able to hear your heart!

You are really starting to develop from a little blob to an actual little person! You'll be getting elbows and little webby fingers and webby toes soon! You're facial features also start to develop - will you have daddy's gorgeous blue eyes or my big brown ones??

You are just being amazing and busy and I can't wait to see you again in less than 2 weeks (daddy will be there too!!) You are still so tiny (about the size of a grape) but we love you more than words can desribe!

You are still making me very tired but I'm resting to allow you to have as much of my energy as possible!!

Only 32 weeks and 3 days til we get to meet you!!

Love Mummy! xoxo

It's NEVER easy!

ARGH!!! I'll start by saying that it shouldn't be this hard for people who really really really (X a squillion) to have a baby!! First we struggle to get pregnant in the first place - and then when we do it seems something needs to take that away from us!

I'll state that I am fine and that as far as I know at the moment baby is still snuggled up nicely inside of me!

But I have just finished reading GreenSprout, Summa and Shel's blogs and my heart just hurts so much for them!! It's just such a painful experience the whole ttc thing! And it sucks coz there isn't a damn thing I or them can do about it besides ride it out and take the appropriate drugs but it's all still just a 'hope for the best'!!

Then there is someone like Shel -who falls pg but her body decides not to hold on to it! And that pain is just excruciating! I just hate that idea of her going through it all!! I've been there once and I don't know how someone pulls themselves back out again!

I'm already full of anxiety and angst - I'm past the 7 week mark (well 7w 2d) and have an appointment with Dr. John tomorrow where hopefully he will do a scan and hopefully there will still be a little heartbeat in there! I just don't know if I'll ever recover if something happens to this baby!! It seems the more people that find out about it the less inclined I am to talk and get excited about it as I'm petrified if I allow myself to get too excited that something will happen!! I would really just like the next 4.5 weeks to fly by so I can relax just a little bit more!

I'm also still just not happy that it is May... I should be in the final weeks but instead I'm still at the beginning! I will talk about this a fair bit this month as it is something that I didn't think would affect me as much as it has! I had grieved and I had moved on from the loss (as much as anyone can) and just didn't realise how quickly this May has come around and slapped me in the face! It's just come as a shock to me and there's all these feelings I thought I'd dealt with just resurfacing!

So I guess all I can do is hold on to this little bubby with everything I've got and hope they decided to stay with us. I am really excited about this little christmas bundle!!

Dear Bubbles,

Well today you are 5 weeks and 2 days old! You are growing so much I can not simply believe it! You looked pretty snug in there the other day so I hope you are going to stay with us! Incase you decide to join us before Christmas we have already got a little christmas outfit for you to wear! It's very tiny and I hope you will join us!

Every time I feel sick I think how lucky I am that you chose us! I try not to get too upset when I don't feel well and I think about the amazing transformation taking place inside me and think how much of a blessing it is!

I'm hoping I get to see you again tomorrow my baby! My precious! You are simply a miracle!

We think you are amazing!! Stay snug - it's getting cold outside!!

Love Mummy! xoxo